


A Life Without Regrets Isn't Life

by NightsDragon



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Peter, Peter Needs a Hug, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14310141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightsDragon/pseuds/NightsDragon
Summary: A Life Without Regrets Isn't Life5 Times Peter regretted the decisions he made, and the 1 time he was proud of them.





	1. 1. The Cemetery

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! This is originally posted on Fanfiction.Net, but I plan on moving some of my stories from there onto here as well! This is actually one of the first fanifctions that I started writing, so I do believe that I've come a long way from what you see here, but it feels good to look in the past. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this!

**Chapter 1: The** **Cemetery (Or the time when Peter regretted Ben's death.)**

Peter pulled his navy blue jacket around him. He tugged on the jacket, wrapping his arms around his middle and clutching the sides of the fabric.

The air was bitter and cold, but what did he really expect from the end of November? Not only that, but it was already 10 p.m., meaning he should have returned home an hour ago. Then again, no one was going to be at home to check on him. His aunt May had taken up night jobs after the incident. It was the only way for them to continue living in their apartment, but most likely, she didn't want to wait fourteen hours in an empty home that used to be full, even if it was just the three of them.

Peter sniffled, and tried to keep himself from collapsing right there and then. Everything had changed a few months ago, and _it was all my fault_.

Stopping himself in his self loathing, and walking, he looked around to make sure no one was nearby.

In front of him was a tall, slightly rusted arched gate. It, along with matching fences, wrapped around a dark grassy patch, lit on the edges only by the cities street lights. However, there was enough light for him to read the engraved word 'Cemetery' on the gate.

Peter after checking he was absolutely alone, grabbed the fence and pulled himself up, resting his feet on a metal edge. He then launched himself over the rest of the fence, landing with a soft thump on the grass on the other side. A few months ago, he wouldn't have had nearly as much upper body strength to pull himself up - let alone any strength.

But look where he was now.

In a gosh-forsaken cemetery.

Peter made his way through the dark - which was no problem as the path was practically sketched into his heart - and stopped near a gravestone. The gravestone was one of there newer stones in the cemetery, so it still held that bright white glow. Peter sat on his knees in front of it, staring the blurring letters. For a minute Peter panicked when the letters began to blur, yet it all made sense when he gently touched his eyes and felt the moist tears.

At that moment Peter openly cried, sobs shaking him. With trembling hands he launched himself at the gravestone, uncomfortable - yet hugging it, as if it would bring warmth instead of the rough cold he knew it would really bring.

"Oh my god! I-I'm so sor-sorry! Uncle Be-Ben!"

Peter pulled back from the gravestone, and resumed his previous position. This time he held his hands down in his lap, and stared at them. This brought back a brief memory of when his uncle was telling him off for lying when he was nine. That made Peter choke, and he coughed, while still crying.

Peter looked at his lap, fiddling with the edges of his jacket. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I lied. God- If I hadn't argued with you that day and run off, you would still be here. We could could be here. Our family! I lost mom and dad, and I've lost you! And I can't believe that even after all this, I'm still lying. I'm lying to Aunt May. Ned. My friends." Peter grew quieter as he listed off people, steeling himself for he last one. "Myself. If I told you why I was coming home late, why I could do things I couldn't before, just why in general? We wouldn't be here. No- we would be here! You would be here, and just ughhh! I don't know!"

Peter found himself at a loss of words, and found himself shifting until he was sitting beside the gravestone, his shoulder leaning on it. He closed his eyes, and felt the wind blow through his hair, tickling his tear streaked face. "I'm Spiderman. I can lift cars, and climb walls, and I made these web shooter things. I can do all of this...and I do it to help people. But I couldn't do it to help you. I'm sorry."

All he would remember from this moment would be him falling asleep, and waking up to the busy cars on the streets in the morning.

He won't remember saying, "I'm grateful for having you while I could. Happy Thanksgiving Uncle Ben."


	2. 2. On The Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene 2!

**Chapter 2: On The Clock (Or the time Peter regrets becoming Spiderman.)**

After Ben's death, Peter decided that he would never _ever_ put another unsuspecting family in the position he was in.

That is why he put on a mask, a cheap hoodie, a pair of stolen googles from his science lab, and his own creation- a little mechanism on his hands that allow him to shoot webs made from his own bioengineered formula. All at the prime age of 15.

_When everyone said that freshman year of high school would be the most memorable, they weren't joking around._

However, he's been doing this for only a few months now. He was inexperienced. He was constantly acting on urges, instead of thinking it through. There were times when he would under or overshoot his webs, forcing him to hit a wall or take fall. Many have told Peter that he was a terrible liar, yet with every excuse Peter made for the odd bruise or cut to Aunt May or Ned, Peter mentally gave a sad smile. His grades were slowly slipping, with every class he skipped or forgetting to finish the week's assignment.

It would be so simple if Peter could just forget having to sneak out of his room and just get a decent hour of sleep.

There were times like tonight where Peter would stand on top of a building, and stare at the night's last minute moving cars.

He could see things that he would never had known were in his own home town, had he not become who he was now.

But because of that, Peter could feel himself forgetting how to be _him_. How to be _Peter Parker._

Peter wanted to go out to see a movie after school instead of running home to change into his suit.

Peter wanted to actually be there for dinner with Aunt May, instead of coming home and silently eating cold noodles from a take-out box in the kitchen.

Peter wanted to just live without seeing the face of any passing stranger on the street meeting their fateful end. A fateful end that he could not help but feel that he could prevent. But he couldn't do this, because without Spiderman anyone could be the next victim to someone else's poorly contained emotions.

Peter could feel his eyes tear up, and he ripped his hoodie and goggles off, rubbing his eyes. Sometimes Peter found it so hard to be the one that everyone looked up to.

His heart swelled when people at school would mention Spiderman, but it would sink lower every time someone would walk by Peter without any inclination that he was there. Yeah, Peter was grateful for all he did, but he wanted some attention. He was tired of being put down every time he thought he had gotten the upper hand. He wanted people see Peter Parker, not Spiderman.

Peter wanted to live a life without danger.

The normal life.

But:

Peter had to become Spiderman.

And that sucked.

* * *


	3. 3. Web Of Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene 3!

**Chapter 3: Web Of Lies** **(Or the time when Peter regretted lying to May.)**

Peter watched May slam open their apartment door. May had grabbed her purse and car keys. She took one look at Peter, her eyes full of unshed tears, before leaving with another slam of the door. Peter's throat went dry.

Peter choked and felt himself shut down.

He numbly went over to sit on the couch, and he balled his hands, pushing his palms against his eyes.

* * *

Peter had just gotten to his front door. Before he was able to knock, May opened the door, oddly silent. Peter knew exactly where this was going, so he entered with his head down.

He went over to the couch and sat down on one side, while May walked over and took the other. Peter tried to avoid May's eyes and the T.V.'s as it showed a news coverage.

"Here at the corner of Cornelia and Blackberry St. a major bank robbery, which has been estimated that the robbers would have stolen almost $1 million was put to a halt by Spiderman. He arrived at the scene after the criminals had already locked down the bank from the inside. With 6 members, and all of them armed with guns, they held 27 people hostage. Spiderman had-"

He was in trouble. he knew that for a fact. Peter was in trouble, because after attending an afternoon Decathlon practice, he was supposed to have come home to have dinner with May. Instead he came an hour and a half late, with half hidden bruises on his face.

"Where were you?" May's tone was biting, and Peter felt himself shrink a bit.

Peter shifted, so he was looking her in the eyes. "The subway was running late, so I chose to walk, and I got caught up seeing the bank robbery, and I was watching Spiderman, and-." Peter abruptly stopped when he noticed that May wasn't believing a word he had said.

He took this moment to observe May's posture. She was sitting extremely straight, with her hands balled tightly in her lap, yer her face gave away nothing of the inner turmoil that had taken her.

"Peter. Your lying. NO DON'T!" When May's voice rose, Peter closed his mouth. She had already known the he was going to argue that he wasn't. She probably already knew that he wasn't going to tell her the truth.

She shakily sighed.

"You lying. You have been lying to me. For months. Don't think I haven't noticed the odd bruises and scratches. No matter how hard you try to cover them up, a girl can always tell if your wearing makeup. And my foundation really doesn't suit your skin tone." Her lips made a quivering smile, like she was trying hard not to laugh at the anger inside her.

She suddenly leaned in and grabbed Peter's chin, so that their eyes met.

"Peter, please. Please tell me what is going on?"

Peter gulped, even though his mouth was painfully dry. "Nothing is going on."

"DANG IT PETER!" Peter jumped of the couch, and watched as May, after jumping of the couch a few milliseconds before him, began to shake.

"Why are you doing this Peter? I'm just trying to help. You can't keep doing to me! Your staying home late. BUP! Don't say a word. How many times have you told me that you were coming home late, because you were working on a project at Ned's house, hmmm? You know how many times I've called his mother, and found out that you were never there? SO, please! Tell me! Where were you Peter?!"

Peter was at a loss for words. and he felt himself wanting to cry.

May must have noticed that she wasn't going to get an answer.

"I'll be back in a few hours. There's Chinese in the fridge."

Peter's eyes widened as he grabbed her purse and keys. She blamed open their door, and after taking a final look at him, she left, slamming the door once again.

Peter felt his throat go dry.

He felt himself shut down.

He sat back down on the couch.

The news report was still going on about Spiderman's heroic deed.

Peter wished that he could just point to the T.V., grab May by the shoulders, point to the screen and tell her. 'There! I was there all along!"

But he couldn't.

Peter sat alone in his home.


	4. 4. Bullies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene 4!

**Chapter 4: Bullies** **(Or the time when Peter regretted holding back when it came to bullies.)**

RIIINNNGGG

The moment the bell on the intercom was over, the sound of herds of high school kids swarming the school hallways assaulted Peter's ears.

Ring

At the smaller, much quieter ring, Peter pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Ned:

_Hey, dude. why weren't you here for 3rd period_

_Peter are you alright. Aren't you coming for lunch_

He sighed, and brushed his tears away with the back of his hand. Peter sniffled, and quickly typed back a response to Ned.

Peter:

_sorry. I'm in the bathroom. I'll be there in a bit._

Ned:

_Okay. But what about 3rd period?_

_Was it Flash_

_Are you okay?_

Peter:

_No,_ _I'm fine. I'll tell you when I get there_

Ned:

_okay_

Peter placed his phone away back into his pocket. Peter sighed again and looked around him.

Not that there was much for him to see.

He was in the last, biggest bathroom stall, sitting on the toilet cover with his feet pulled up, pushing against his chest. His book bag was resting below. Peter had his hoodie sleeves pulled down, so that the were bunched up in his hands. Peter, thinking back to Ned's text, shifted, ready to stand up. As he moved, he winced when his arm brushed agains his side.

* * *

"There you go again, Parker. Shame your still going to the school. Even with all the sudden detentions you getting, being late, missing out on Decathlon practices..."

Peter, who was trying to ignore the taunts, had been innocently walking to his 3rd period class. Peter abruptly stopped and turned around to face Flash. Other than Flash, two other boys behind him, and Peter, the hall was vacant.

"Flash, you know how much I really," Peter rolled his eyes, "really like talking with you, but I have a project I need to present for 3rd period."

"Yeah, I know. So I've decided to help you."

Peter's stomach dropped a bit. He knew exactly where this was going to lead.

* * *

Peter stopped moving and mentally made his choice.

He sat back down, and opened his book bag, and pulled out a little bottle of concealer. Using his phone camera, he carefully put it on his face. While doing so, Peter watched his red eyes slowly go back to their original pinky-white. Putting the bottle away, Peter used the camera to check that he had covered all of bruises on his face.

While moving his arms, Peter accident rubbed them against his sides again. He winced.

'To bad I can't do anything about the bruises on my sides.'

Peter continued to fix his appearance, by straightening his clothes out and flattening his hair.

It was times like this Peter realized how much he hated being him. How much he hated being weak. Literally, Peter had the ability to take Flash and his 'helpers' down by barley raising his finger, yet he didn't. Peter wanted to stand up for himself and show everyone that he was more than just a nerd. But he had to keep his identity secret.

Uncle Ben died. He had to lie to May. He had to miss out on sleep. He had to quit a lot of things that he loved just so he could make time for the simplest things. And it all came back down to him being Spiderman.

But right now, it came down to Peter, himself. Because, only Peter could stand up to Flash.

But he didn't.

And he regretted that.

Peter grabbed his stuff and left the bathroom. As he entered the cafeteria, his eyes met Ned's. He put on a smile and went over to sit down.


	5. 5. On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene 5!

**Chapter 5: On My Own (Or the time when Peter regretted thinking he could do things on his own.)**

_This chapter will be a slightly different take on the scene after Tony takes Peter's suit away after he almost sunk the ferry during Homecoming._

Peter was beyond embarrassed, ashamed, yet also with some -probably irrational- anger.

Here he was, currently seated in the back of one of Tony's expensive cars with Happy driving him to the soon to be old Avengers Tower.

And Tony was busy dealing with the whole ferry-sliced-down-the-middle mess, that Peter had to admit, was entirely his fault.

'So many people could have died, because of me. Because of my stupidity.' Peter couldn't help, but think it.

He could feel Happy taking glances at him through the rear view mirror, but Peter decided that he didn't want to make contact. Because if he did, then that would totally make everything happening real. Especially the part where when he gets to the Avenger's tower, he was going to leave his Spiderman suit there.

'I'm nothing without the suit.'

He was so occupied with his thoughts, that even though he was staring out the window the whole time, it came as a shock when Happy cleared his thoat and Peter realized they were parked right in front of the building in question.

"Thanks." Peter mumbled, but just as he was going to push the handle to get out, the door lock clicked into place.

Peter quickly let go, and turned to Happy, who was now turned around and facing him.

"Why didn't you call?"

"What?"

Peter couldn't help but blurt out, because honestly - what?

Happy rolled his eyes and mumbled something about how this wasn't apart of his job, before staring Peter in the eye again.

"Why didn't you call?"

Peter wanted to look away, but he couldn't. "I- I don't know. I g-guess I had it."

Happy raised his eyebrows and Peter felt the need to explain himself, but really - he didn't really think that he had an explanation. Or at least a strong one.

"Because I could handle it. I didn't need to ask for help. I was fine."

"Were you now?" Happy's eyebrows rose even higher, and Peter felt himself waver.

After a few seconds of uncomfortable staring, Happy unlocked the door and got out, leaving Peter to do the same.

Happy led Peter into the lobby. Peter made it a point to avoid staring at the people moving around, taking the last things they needed before having to move upstate. On the bright side, he didn't have to avoid everyone for to long, because Happy took him straight to the elevator.

Happy pushed one of the floor buttons, but Peter wasn't paying attention because for some reason after the brief confrontation with Happy in the car left him feeling ashamed...and angry...at himself. As the elevator began to move, Peter leaned against one of the walls, and Happy mirrored him from the wall opposite.

"You weren't fine."

Peter looked at Happy, who was returning the look with a straight face.

"You weren't fine. You didn't have it under control. And you just jumped in without any thought."

He looked away again once Happy sighed and chose to mumble something that Peter didn't care to catch a second time.

The door dinged open.

Peter didn't even care to look around, even though seeing the inside of the AVENGER's TOWER was a big dream of his. Peter just followed Happy to the center of the room. Happy vaguely gestured to sit down, and Peter choose to sit down on the couch. Happy was than gone for a few point minutes into another room branched off of the floor.

Peter looked down, and tried his best to, discreetly, brush away the little tingle in his eyes. 'This is it. I'm going to lose my suit. I screwed up, and I'm never going to have the suit again. I'm never going to Spiderman again. All because I was in over my head. All because Peter Parker can't ask for help like some ordinary guy.'

Peter laughed wryly. It was true that Peter Parker had no idea when to ask for help. And because of that this time, he was in trouble. Serious trouble.

He looked up when Happy reappeared in an old Stark Expo sweatshirt and matching sweatpants.

"There's a bathroom on the left, 2 second door down."

Peter nodded his thanks as grabbed the clothes from Happy's hands and led himself to the bathroom.

Inside the bathroom, there was a full length mirror, and Peter couldn't help but stare at himself in the Spiderman suit.

This was the last time he would probably ever wear it again.

Peter suddenly remembered KAREN. 'If this is the last time I'm ever going to see the suit, it's probably also going to be the last time I'm ever going to speak to KAREN. '

"Hey Karen."

"Yes Peter."

"Thank you."

"I'm flattered. You are welcome."

"Bye KAREN."

"Good bye Peter."

Peter pushed the little spider emblem on his suit and watched as it detached from his skin. After that Peter immediately changed into the change of clothing that Happy had gotten him.

Peter carefully picked the suit off the floor, and folded it neatly.

He left the bathroom and returned to where Happy would be waiting.

Peter couldn't bring himself to care when Happy raised his eyebrows at the suit folded neatly in his hands. Peter mildly lifted it, "Where should I put this?"

"Just set down on the coffee table here."

"Alright."

After that, Happy had numbly driven Peter home. The entire return trip, Peter couldn't help but think about how he shouldn't have gone on his own.

"Bye Happy."

Happy nodded at him, as Peter shut the car door and walked into his apartment building.

As he was about to open the front door, May opened it instead, making him realize how late he had been gone.

Later that night, Peter lied on his bed thinking about how he would be free falling through the city in the Spiderman suit right now.

'But I can't, because I thought I could do things on my own.'


	6. 6. In The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scene 6! This is the end!

**Chapter 6: In The End (Or the time when Peter wouldn't change anything.)**

It was a few nights after Homecoming, when Peter found himself on top of his apartment building.

He sat on the ledge, his legs dangling, and staring at the far drop below. This fall, the one that would lead him straight into concrete morphed into when he was falling through the sky into the lake after the Vulture dropped him. And then the multiple short falls of when the Vulture tossed him around. And then when he and the Vulture were hurtling out of the sky, along with the cargo plane.

Unfortunately every flashback ended with him lying on the ground in pain, surrounded by darkness. Or maybe because he just didn't have the strength to open his eyes.

Honestly, Peter expected this to happen right after webbing the Vulture to a bunch of crates. Maybe even when he got back home.

He didn't expect it to happen tonight, after all it had been multiple days and nights, and he didn't feel like breaking down. But today at school was the last day Liz was going to be here. He couldn't look at her without the feeling of guilt swallowing him whole. She was moving to Ohio for goodness sakes! A whole new part of the country!

It was then, that Peter found himself thinking for rest of the day, how lucky he was. Everything that went right, and how it could have been oh so simple for it to go all wrong.

He had seen the news, Mr. Stark was on it saying how the plane had a problem with its rotors. He hadn't even seen Mr. Stark, nor had they spoken. In fact, Peter hadn't texted Happy since he had his suit taken away. 'They were probably still angry with me. I wouldn't be surprised if they were.'

Peter shook his head and leaned over the ledge. The fall was nauseating, yet at the time where he was falling through thousands of feet of empty air, it was all to empowering. Now it terrified Peter.

With all these negative thoughts running through his mind, it was about time that Peter was raked with sobs.

He was so wrapped up in his inner turmoil that the mechanical suit belonging to his role model didn't phase him. What did phase him was when he was pulled from behind. Peter still crying, stumbled, but stood up. His eyes widened when Tony stood there.

* * *

Peter cried. He wasn't going to lie.

Here he was, sniffling and holding on for dear life.

On the bright side, they were very happy tears now.

Peter felt what he was hugging move, and he immediately backed off, wiping his face and taking a few deep breaths.

Luckily, it was so late at night - well now it was so early in the morning - that no one could see Tony Stark hugging a shaking teenager. In fact, Peter had no idea how he even ended up hugging Stark. It was just a minute of his stumbling backwards, and than suddenly throwing his arms.

Peter's face began to flush a red, which wasn't really noticeable, as his face was already flushed, because of his heavy crying. "Sor - sorry! ." Peter quickly cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. For a second Peter thought that Tony was smiling at him. Tony put his hand on Peter's shoulder, making the teenager bite his lip and stare at his idol.

"So, I was wondering where Spiderman was tonight. I haven't seen him in awhile." Tony moved to sit down on the edge on the building, just like how Peter was before. Peter sat beside him, but didn't make eye contact. "Oh. About that Mr. Stark, I'm really sorry about the vulture, and plane crash and just everything."

Peter heard Tony sigh beside him,

"I'm not mad you know. In fact I brought this back." Peter wondered how he hadn't noticed it before, but Tony, from behind his back, pulled out and handed the Spiderman suit to Peter. He grabbed it, and brushed his thumb over the black spider insignia. He whispered, "Mr. Stark -" Peter stopped when Tony held up his hand.

"Like I said, I'm not mad at you. I'm really sorry that I took it away from you. You didn't say it, but I could see it in your eyes that you wanted to say 'I was doing what you would have done.' That's the problem. I want you to be better than me. I want you to do the things that I failed to do."

Tony took a deep breath.

"I want you to be Peter Parker. The nerdy freshman that's Spiderman. The one who's in the game for the little guys. Not Tony Stark. Don't every become Tony Stark."

Peter took a deep breath and felt his heart stop beating the moment that Stark's arms had wrapped around him. When Peter didn't move, Tony decided to pull back, but the second that he shifted, he suddenly had a crying teenager in his arms. Again. For the second time that night.

Which was two more than any night.

They clutched onto each for what seemed like forever, in silence, before Peter spoke.

"A lot of bad things have happened. But I would go through them all again, just so I could be here. 'Cause nothing will ever change this."

Tony smiled into Peter's hair, and lifted his hand so that he could rub the kid's hair.

"Promise that you never will regret it."

"I could never."


End file.
